I mean, look at these descriptions! We got everything from “Natural Crochet Hat” on FARFETCH (with “express shipping,” which is basically code for “I need this hat YESTERDAY”) to some “Multicolored Cotton hat” over on GOAT, promising “buyer protection.” Buyer protection is key, people! Let me tell you, I once bought… *ahem*… something… online, and let’s just say “buyer protection” would have saved me a LOT of heartache (and money). We don’t need to go into details.
Then there’s the whole “street style” thing with the “Black Woven Fabric Hat.” They’re throwing around words like “classic allure” and “cosy comfort,” trying to convince us a hat is some kind of lifestyle upgrade. Maybe it is, though? A good hat *can* really pull an outfit together. Makes you look like you actually tried.
Oh, and the “White Cashmere Hat” with the “Lettering Logo” – that’s the kind of hat that screams, “I have my life together… even though I probably just spent my rent money on this hat.” No judgment here, though. I *totally* get it. Sometimes, a girl just needs a luxury cashmere hat, ya know? Even if it means eating ramen for a week. Totally worth it. (Maybe. Probably? Okay, I’m having second thoughts now…)
Then we have the “Y2K-inspired crochet bucket hats” also on FARFETCH. Oh, Y2K… those were the days. Low-rise jeans and questionable fashion choices. But hey, at least the hats were kinda cute, right? Plus, “free returns” is a godsend. Seriously, who even knows what size their head is anymore? Hats are weirdly sized. I swear, I can be a small, medium, or large, depending on the day.
And finally, the “Black Gabardine Bucket Hat” with the “embroidered logo.” “Western inspiration meets Miu Miu’s bold and provocative personality.” That’s a mouthful. It sounds like they’re trying to sell me a philosophical statement, not a hat. I mean, I *like* a hat that has a personality, but I’m not sure I’m ready for a hat that’s gonna start lecturing me about the nuances of postmodern denim.
